I'm not particularly good at making friends. I put too many barriers in the way. "We work different shifts" "We live too far away" "She's not married" "She doesn't have kids" "Her kids are different ages" on and on and on.
And then, even if I meet someone who I can't find any objections to, I still have to cultivate the friendships somehow. It can take me a year to work up to trading e-mail or phone numbers. I'm not someone who chats on the phone, very un-girly of me, so I don't know how to move easily from acquaintance to friend. Our habit of moving every 2-3 years has not helped this process.
When we first moved here, I was only expecting to stay for a year or two as well, before moving back to Saranac Lake. So I wasn't stressing too much about the need to put down roots and make friends. But a few months after moving, I met Allison, and not only did she meet all my stupid, random qualifications, she was nice too. It still took me months to get around to calling her to make plans. And we've seen less and less of eachother since I starting working. But we also had many good talks at the beach, playground and skating rink while keeping one eye and ear on the kids.
This time, instead of me leaving, she has. To Atlanta. Very, very far away. Sigh.
So now I'm back to square one. It's like dating, something I have even less experience with. The only other woman who I'd gotten beyond calling "so & so's Mom" is also moving this summer. I have to hang out at the playground, or find time to make small talk during daycare pick-up. Now that Dan works Sundays, I may try the U-U Church again. This really sucks.
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1 comment:
I am sorry your friend is moving away. It sucks.
I think that most people have this concern about how to make friends. I know that I feel exactly the same way - I don't think I know how to either. It was so easy at certain times, when we had so much spare time to just 'hang out', not many responsibilities, and no families of our own. I feel so embarrassed when I think that I have not really made a good new friend in so many years. And now I live in LA, not exactly the best environment, but yoga has been a huge help.
And when you are not very outgoing, it's even harder. I get so jealous when I overhear someone say they had a 'girls night out' or something. I think I have always relied on the other person to be the outgoing one and make plans.
So I've learned to just try more when I meet someone whom I really like. And the occasional lunch or chat with someone after yoga class makes me so happy.
And I am always proudly your friend!
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